This Marathon Sucks...but I'm Not Giving Up

As I sit at work wondering how much more UMLER fixing I can take, I'm debating whether or not to go to the gym twice today or not. I was down for the count and extremely sore yesterday because of Wednesdays PiYo class. I'm sure its great and all that I'm pushing myself, but how much pain does one take to gain.

I am patiently waiting to hear about the demise of my company. Its a strange and numb feeling to wait for your walking papers. I'm a little anxious for this to be swift kick in the butt that I need. I have so many plans and things I want to "when I become unemployed". I'm counting my chicken before they hatch and I'm ok with it.

I do thank everyone thats supporting and encouraging me on this roller coaster ride.

Options and taking another step.

In the wake of the company I'm working for filing for bankruptcy, and perhaps my soon to be unemployment, my scope of options "seem" good. I happily spoke with a guy from the Teachers of English to Foreign Languages (TEFL). We had a nice long chat about the places I could work overseas if/when I get this teaching certificate. I could do an online course for 2 months with 20 in class hours...

As much as I fuss about not wanting to teach, I think getting myself in the door is whats most important right now. The nice fellow even offered to put me on a payment plan and seemed to really willing to work with me. I'm guessing my story was compelling enough to get him excited. (I'd like to believe that I have that affect on people. I'm sure its not true.hahahahahaha)

So Plan B...

Get teaching certificate, move to Korea (they pay more it seems; health insurance, living expenses, wages, etc. Still researching and its a ferry ride from Japan), sublet Phoenix Lounge to Eliz for a year (if she finds a job here), decide my next move after that...just to start.

I have a Plan C thru DDD, but no need to go into details. Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated on any or all above.

What Else...

People should get paid to look for a job. I've been staring at the computer for 3 hours now and I've found 5 semi-decent jobs. I had not counted on dealing with unemployment in my YOTB.

Alas, c'est la vie. I'm not unemployed JUST yet, but I was told (along with the entire company) that bankruptcy is imminent. I am looking into independent study programs overseas now and I've sent off my application to a few teaching (ugh) positions in Japan. It will be fine. I need to be more malleable with my choices. No limiting myself!!!!!

I just got back from Dallas visiting the fam. I've acquired two amazing new fBook friends that I'm soooooo happy to have found. My cousins Adrian and her daughter Daphne. I love them so much and have missed so much of their lives. Its ok though...its all about going forward.

We've been communicating nonstop since I left Dallas...so so so so happy.

Somehow I managed to make it to the gym while in that hot state. I'm not sure, but I think I even left without gaining 20 lbs (which is usual)

Sidenote...

So I reach and surpassed my goal of losing more inches before I went to Dallas.

(13 inches to be exact *pats herself on her back*)

I was happy with myself I must say. But little did I know that it would

be broadcasted in the gym on a lil something they called "Wall of Fame".

As proud and motivating as that idea is...why must they put such details on the

wall. I don't have any hangups with it, but come on. Anyway, its there and its a positive reminder of my present body and future body (thanks Leen for that)

I will be pushing my cardio now.

I'm still trying to find the balance, but I've narrowed down my focus to legs and stomach.

Long-term goal, which was brought to my attention that I was missing by my mom, to be a size 10-12.

Getting healthy is the ultimate goal, but I didn't think about narrowing the focus to a point where all I need to do is maintain. Mom you're a genius.

Anyway that's where I am now.

Btw the pic is of my sis and dad staring longingly at the Grand Canyon (it was posed no worries, my sis thinks she's Annie Leibovitz its cool)

I see the light in the tunnel, but its dim....

I just finished eating a large thin slice of pizza. It was very good. The perfect ending to a long day at work, an exhausting workout, and a target trip.

I'm to a point where I feel like I'm making what I'm doing a habit. My goal seems to be almost met...then I looked in a mirror. I don't usually watch myself in the mirror during class. I keep my eyes on the instructor lady. For some reason I watched myself today and thought "man I am fat". I thought maybe it was my boobs, but no. My legs are huge, my arms have wings and the list goes on.

I started deconstructing myself and thinking, "what did I look like before, what did I look like when I moved to Chicago, how did I get like this?" I left class 10mins before it ended and started working on the weights. I somehow found myself really funny. I'm lifting and laughing. I realized at that moment that none of that mattered. I'm the me right now and I'm sticking to "going forward". I like that I can laugh at myself when I take myself too serious.

My Gut Feelings...

I'm feeling that my gut is trying to tell me that this move overseas isn't for me...right now.
I think shortening my departure time frame has put me in a panic.
Job searching had become the bane of my existence. As selfish as it may sounds, I don't want to teach.
I wouldn't mind voluteering for a few years somewhere, but I think my health needs to be a lot better than it is in order to save the world (><)

I'm not throwing in the towel just yet damn it!!!!! I refuse to be the person that didn't seek out opportunities and missed out on amazing things.

Updates...
Most of the test results I took last doctor visit were good. No cancer (she had to give me a 2nd test, 1st was inconclusive), no diabetes, no high blood pressure.
Flip side...slightly calcium deficient, protein deficient, low blood sugar, side effects of meds are starting to rear their ugly heads...

My workouts had calmed down, but of course I panicked and now I've become experimental and all over the place. Maybe 150 lunges and squat is a bit excessive. I really do hate pushing my body to immobility...fuckin' defeats the purpose of working out. I've been sprinting and walking on the treadmill these days. I actually enjoy running that way. Why must trial and error be the only way to figure this out? I've decided to not be stagnate with my exercise. I like mixing it up...keeping my body guessing it the goal YOTB!

I'm feeling trapped and not having much of an outlet. Thinking too much has become problematic, so I'm going to start yoga and meditation on the weekends. If Mandy teaches classes in my apt. I will definitely have no excuse for missing it.

I should just publish my book and sell it and live off that...enoughs enough!!!!

Nope Not the Wig

Oh so amusing!!!

Got my hair cut today. Feeling good about it. Maintenance should be minimal, but we'll see. I like that I have bangs and they're not weird. I'm not sure why I feel invincible right now, but I do!!!

I'm going to wake up early tomorrow, get to work at a decent time, do a zumba class and piyo sometime between meetings and phone calls. YOTB meeting on Sunday. I'm curious what we will talk about. I've been wondering how the others are fairing with meeting their goals for YOTB.

This has been an off week. I'm not sure why it was so hard to get up AND go to work, but I'll have more motivation next week. My plan is to use as many free pass for yoga all over the city in the next few months. Its a fun challenge that I'm sure my cheerleading friends will partake in...

Cause I'm invincible right now!!!!

Keep on keeping on!

Well, where to start? I've lost 4 and quarter more inches. I got measured Friday. I'm happy that there is some measurable progress in the right direction. So that's a total of approx.14 inches. My goal is to lose 8 inches by my next measuring. I need to run. Come hell or high water, I need to run.
I'm thinking of going outside now to go for a run around the block or at the school playground across the street. I did Zumba today and broke a mad sweat. I feel good when I sweat during my workout.

Clothes were fitting better, now they're not really fitting so great. Maybe too big now. No complaining!!! All part of the process. I'm going to Bikhram with Kim and Leen tomorrow. I really like the hot yoga. So relaxing, hard, but relaxing. The apt is coming along...slowly, but surely.

We've not had a YOTB meeting in awhile. Everyone is busy and preoccupied. This is sort of defeating MY own purpose for this "movement". Having it become part of your life not squeezing it in. I guess at this point, to each his own. As long as everyone is happily reaching their goals, no need to complain.

I'm getting antsy about moving. I need to get a solid action plan together. I'm thinking visiting some places might be necessary. Japan seems to be my focus right now. I'm reading about people with allergies...I need to consider all angles, seriously.

Now off to fiddle with my book about temping...absurd. There is endless material. Just need to put it down.

Clothes and Life, what the Hell

I didn't think I would get to this where I feel such disdain for shopping. Clearing and organizing
the life has become a chore instead of the 2nd nature behavior I wanted to somehow "just happen".
I own too many things and am sad that I have to get more things, because my clothes are not fitting properly. This should be a good thing but seems to be counter-productive. I find I think about things too much. Constantly over thinking gets you no where.

This weekend, I'm going to put out at least 6 chapters of my book and narrow my move (location) some more. I'm really looking forward to going to Dallas. Just thinking about how my visits there will be numbered if I move overseas has suddenly begin to trouble me. I know I have my families support in whatever I decide, but moving across country alone is another world from moving across a body of water.

I need to find a job with a good fit for me. I might be unrealistic with the economy like it is, but I'm going to do this somehow.

Now back to listening to some Leehom. He's going to sing me into being super motivated and positive...

The hourglass that is my life

I'm not sure who turned my hourglass over, but I feel like the flood gates have been open and the sand is rapidly falling to the bottom. I feel freaking rushed again. I was on the treadmill today thinking (while looking in the mirror) "WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!"
I'm not where I feel I should be. I've slacked on the working out so that I'm not a crazy loon, but at the same time forgot that I need to get results.
I won't go crazy, I won't go crazy, I won't go crazy...to late.

Ugh. Its fine. My ultimate goal 2-1-A. Moving away!!!!!
With 2 bags, 1 bike, A dream...I can do this.

Work on teaching certifications, finding jobs, getting healthy!!!!
Staying positive is the key.

Maybe a strict schedule is what I need. Not sure who will call me on my shit,
but discipline would be a little something I could throw into the mix of my life
right now. Also time to cut back on the food I'm eating...maybe my bread intake.

Gym Pimp...

I've got another lady at work on board with the working out bandwagon.

A few have fallen off, but it's all good. I'm taking one day at a time and trying not to stress myself out. Some more potential newcomers are taking a class with us tomorrow. I'm really excited about people being apart of the group exercising.

I may not see the progress I want as fast as I want, but I'm having a hell of a good

time getting there. Ups and downs are a given. I feel as if its still new and exciting.

I can dance while working out and have a great time. I'm overwhelmed with sharing

this feeling. Honestly think I JUST realized this while typing just now...

As scared as I am to get measured again, I'm terribly curious about the results since

the last time I have my measurements taken. I feel like I've been working hard, but that's not really a reasonable way to see progress. When I get the verdict (cause I feel like I'm on trial and waiting for the jury to condemn me for not working out enough or properly) I have 2 choices

I could a) become depressed with not meeting my goal or b) take whatever it is and use it as a stepping stone (listening to lots of Duffy) to go to the next level.

I'm opting for b. Whatever level it is, I have to see it as positive in order to go forward.

Looking Up and Ahead

I took pictures of myself in my 2 piece swimsuit. I think I will feel that I'm making progress if I see visuals. Plus everyone and their mom have these ridiculous before and after shots. I pray to God I don't have before and before pictures. HAHAHAHA

So I've eased up on my workout. I only went once a day last week. I needed a break maybe.
I turned 30 Sunday and I feel like I need to get it in gear. You think I had one foot in the grave at the rate my mind is planning. Even if 30 is suppose to be a turning point, I feel like I had an awakening long before. I like to think I'm ahead of the game. (whatever game that might be)

I'm feeling exhausted, might be the vitamins. I just realized I ran out last week.
Why do they make a difference...damn it!?!!?!?

Oh I can't wait for Spring. I want to wear dresses more this Spring and Summer.
Not sure why, but it seems a lot easier.

Upping the cardio and varying the muscle strength routine. Not really sure whats happening, but I feel my body changing for sure. I'm nervous about getting measured again in a few weeks. I want to really see if using free weight is something I should be doing or am doing correctly.

We'll see...

Btw, while in Ann Arbor, I went to the YMCA with Eliz and Josh. Saturday and Sunday.
So awesome.

Superhero...

I thought maybe I was burned out with exercising. This is not the case.
I needed more variety.
I love the classes. Yasmin is the best instructor. Only because she is 19 and entertaining as hell.
Zumba is amazingly fun with Yasmin. I feel so good and so worked out by the end of class.
I think Jessica and I have gotten Turbo Kick down....finally!
Of course they will change the music and routine now that we've finally got what the heck is going on.
My workouts with Victoria are definitely pushing me like I want. We've been doing it for 2 weeks now. I'm going to give it another 3 weeks before I measure myself. I am extremely nervous that my hard work will not give me the results I want.

Its just impatience. It will pass. It usually does.

I have no energy when I get home. I seriously wonder how long I can keep up

with going to the gym twice a day. Last week. I didn't workout or look at a gym for 3 whole days!!! Today was the 1st day in 4 days I walk/ran on the treadmill. I've been doing other cardio and didn't realize that "oh yeah you were trying to do the running thing". Time to get back on that wagon for sure.

I'm going to Michigan this weekend. Fingers-crossed I get to do some yoga with Eliz and the AnnArbs crew. I need this get away.

I have a restless feeling that I'm sure I can nap away in Ann Arbor!!!!

Progress?

I feel that I can't really update the blog unless I've made some progress. The idea of just discussing what I'm "going to do" is getting old to me. I will simply go over what I am "doing".

1. I've started, what we've coined "superhero's workout". Victoria is a hard-ass so its a good opportunity to take my working out to another level. Plus I'm a project for her. (I think I humor her more then anything)

2. I'm not guilt ridden (as much) when I don't workout.

3. I've purchased some furniture. Swatches and paint are next. The home cleansing is right on track.

Must remember patience, patience, patience.

I'm excited that my sister is moving back to the states. She will get to see me and my place a lot more often.

Spring is so close I can taste it!!!! Maybe I will work hard enough to wear a 2 piece and not have to wear a sarong over it...You never know!

Dfo out

Simmering Down...

So I didn't workout yesterday. I'm ok
I did yoga today. Its not working out, but its ok

Small strides, patient with progress, stay positive.

I am looking forward to working with weights this week again.
Maybe I'll be a lot smarter and not push myself too hard.
I really should start learning from my mistakes.
Enoughs enough.

My YOYB is on track...it really is.

Thanks you guys

I did not workout nor go to the gym today. I'm ok with this.

Ok maybe so I'm not, but I need to be. I am still sore from doing the free weights on freakin MONDAY! I walk/ran on Tuesday. PiYo on Wednesday.

Today nothing...

Kim told me that taking a class is still considered going to the gym.

How sad is it that I'm not putting those 2 things together. Its a strange feeling

when I think that its necessary to spend so much time at the gym.

I am being realistic. I really want this to work and need it to work faster.

So that part is unrealistic...

Glad I have my friends to remind me of my absurdness...