Anne is out of control...7 days

So many people are helping me pack (i.e. making me get rid of things) and I have no desire to get rid of all my "prized" possessions. I've donated and sold so much and still, I HAVE TOO MUCH CRAP!!! Well I took a new approach to packing last night...drinking while doing it. Turns out that's not very productive. If Nichole had not joined me, I would have perhaps passed out from a few bottles of wine with clothes and pictures spread all over the place.

Thank you Nichole for being a voice of reason...

Backpack, job, shoes and camera are my only goals right now.
Keeping it simple...



"A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval." ~Mark Twain

With 14 days left

I realized that I had to get emotionally strong, in order to get physically ready to be mentally prepared for this leap...

In retrospect, it was never a question of "if" I go to Asia but a matter of "when". When has come and of course I feel completely unprepared and scared. I've decided it will be fine. I really do acclimate well to various situations.

I have my TEFL certificate, 7 work days, and 2 mind sets PACK & GO.

I really want to be ready for any and everything. I'm slowly understanding that that is impossible. Mistakes and mishaps are inevitable, expect the worst hope for the best type thing.

My decision to take the cheesy cliche "the world is your oyster..." and live my life like so makes me think I've gone crazy. Turns out I'm ok with crazy. I welcome it with open arms (^.^) *Note: must learn more absurd emoticons to become more hip in Asia

I've decided on WWAoGGDIC as the new title for various reasons:
A. Anne of Green Gables is amazing
B. please refer to A
C. Although she never went to China, I think I can speak on her behalf
as to what might have transpired and/or decisions she would've made.
D. Although Gilbert probably would have never allowed Anne to go on an adventure w/o him, he'd be supportive of "that crazy Anne" had she wanted to go to China.
The list goes on.

I've packed and unpacked several times. I think I will be more decisive about what I'm taking after my "planning to get rid of as much shit of mine as possible" party this weekend. (which has turned into a going away sort of shindig) Folks have started calling dibs on things, but little do they know I'm going swap meet style. FIRST COME FIRST SERVE FOLKS!!!!

Harsh Realities I've come to terms with 1. I don't need to take my rice cooker, 2. I don't need to take my WOK, 3. I can buy stuff there and I won't be living in a damn third world country for crying out loud!!!

I can't tell you how excited I am for my mom and sister to come see me off. Yes, yes, I know that you're all thinking "She's going to make them do all the work". Of course I'm going to TRY and do that, but I know better. But I'm seriously just looking forward to seeing them. (like teary stuff kind of excited)

I can't thank all the people that are supporting me enough for their help and encouragement. I now have more contacts in China than I had when I move to Chicago from Dallas. It would be a lie if I said I wasn't nervous, but this feels so right and I'm not too worried (which is insane)

I will try to make more annoying post to track my final days in Chicago.

cheeeeers!!!!!!!!!!



“The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.”
-St Augustine

Quietly Exiting

I really want to exit stage left (Chicago) as if I were never on the stage. (I laugh at myself for imaging I'm some sort of celebrity taking a curtain call...I am ridiculous) Its going to be so hard to leave. I seriously didn't realize how much I rooted myself here. Its amazing how significant each and every encounters become when you know they're numbered. *soak it up*

I keep jokingly saying that I'm about to jump off a bridge without a chord and am seriously praying that there is water or something below. That's exactly what it feels like. I'm not prepared enough, but who ever is. I've not posted in my blog because it makes the events that are about to happen more real than I could ever have imagined. *soak it up*

I'm dumbfounded at the support of people motivating and cheering me on. I'm doubting myself every step of the way, but am somehow keeping my determination.

Until I am willing to disclose all the details. I will leave you with "cold war" by Janelle Monae. This song is speaking to me RIGHT NOW...*soak it up*


So you think I'm alone
But being alone's the only way to be
When you step outside
You spend life fighting for your sanity

This is a cold war
you better know what you're fighting for
This is a cold war
Do you know what you're fighting for

If you wanna be free
Below the ground's the only place to be
Cause in this life
You spend time running from depravity

This is a cold War
You better know what you're fighting for

When wings of the weak can
Bring grace to the strong
Make all evil stumble
As it flies in the world

All the tribes come
And the mighty will crumble
We must brave this night
And have faith in love

I'm trying to find my peace
I was made to believe there's something wrong with me
And it hurt's my heart
Lord have mercy ain't it plain to see

This is a cold war
you better know what you're fighting for
This is a cold war
Do you know what you're fighting for


I can do this.

~soak it up is what i told people before i left dallas about 10 years ago. it wasn't for them, but a reminder for me to remember these times and treat the memories as a sponge...soak it up~

things to report...finally

Its been about a month since I've updated and I be damned if I was going to write a woe is me post. I don't have time for that. Enjoy the pictures. My new tat and some fun poses that I like doing...

I've started TEFL English teacher training. I have to be really strict with studying and not waste time going at a snails pace. I've given myself til September to have the 120 hours over and done with.

I've set up my 1st Piyo (Pilate's yoga mix)teaching class this coming Sunday. We'll see if anyone actually shows up. I mean its free and its at my apt. What more could they want?!?!?! Seriously!! I expect it to be the worst, but whatever. I'm looking to have fun and have my own playlist WOOT!!! WOOT!!!

I've got myself a yoga mentor I'm following like a puppy. Her name is Jill. I'm going to so many yoga classes and workshops that I've really lost my mind. I've decide that Vinyasa and Bikram are my favorite forms of yoga. I get so much out of them!!! On top of applying for English teaching jobs, I've started applying for scholarships through yoga ashrams and charity organizations overseas. I want to juggle all of these things and let the chips fall where they may.

No overthinking or overplanning anymore.

I'm in a good place and don't want to lose my momentum. I just have to continue to stay on track and focused. The lotus on my back is to remind me of my potential, my growth, and new beginnings. I seriously feel invincible...

I think Janelle Monae says it best...

"When you get elevated,
They love it or they hate it
You dance up on them haters
Keep getting funky on the scene
While they jumpin' round ya
They trying to take all your dreams
But you can't allow it...
See I'm not walkin' on it
Or tryin' to run around it
This ain't no acrobatics
You either follow or you lead, yeah
I'm talkin' bout you..."

You get the point, check out the song :)

Uber Pensive

Not much to report. I've been thinking of my Madea being in the early stages of dementia and how hard it must be for her right now. As I grasp on tightly to my sanity in this job, I'm reminded of her "Don't Quit" poem plaque that hung in her bathroom for so many years. I can't really quit my job, can't quit my drive and determination to move overseas, and I can't quit or give up this need to do great things with yoga for the rest of my life.

I can type the poem from memory even though I don't recall ever memorizing it. Maybe I spent too much time in her bathroom growing up. Who knows.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Losing steam with every rejection

The practicalities of moving look really impractical for me right now. I'm not sure if its the fact that so many people are headed to Asia due to the economy or they seriously don't want me. Today I got my 12th (yes friends 12th) rejection email. Correction 4 of the rejections were in snail letter form. So to be fair and more positive about it, only 8 emails of "we went with someone else". Sadly that's maybe 1% of what I've actually applied for. Thus is life.

This would also be the reason behind me not updating here. No news means not so great news in my world. I don't want to believe that its not my "season" to leave Chicago. But there is a limit to how much I can put up with being rejected. I'm at my wits end with my current job. Jumping out the window seems a lot more exciting then showing up for another meeting or staring at another spreadsheet. (its closer to disgruntled then suicidal so don't worry)

Alas, I've found solace in knowing I have yoga and now have embarked on a new journey (side journey for now anyway) Lately I've felt the need to do it more and more. I like how I feel during and after. I'm sure I would have cut someone had the thought of a nice 105 degree studio doing a half moon pose not put a smile on my face.
I'm thinking of teaching yoga now. Yoga certification takes 10+ months, which blows my move to Asia this year out of the water.*cringes from within*

Ideally, I would work at a yoga type place, learn the ropes and gradually move toward my teaching goal. While along the way collecting certifications for Piyo,Hiphop Hustle, Turbo Jam... and whatever else I can squeeze out of that damn Beachbody company. I could make money teaching which is another reason why Asia looks like a pie in the sky. Money...oh money(only reason why I've not quit my current job)I refuse to go from one crap-ass job to another. I'm aggressively looking into apprenceships and/or jobs in the spa/yoga/meditative envrionment. My sanity is on the line at this point.

Going to Asia under my terms doesn't look impossible, but more challenging than I expected. I'm not giving up yet. I've just added an addendum to the plan. My whitewash board has been cleared and its time to assess my situation and adjust the steps needed to meet my goals.

This could be the side path that I needed to go down to get to the point that I was supppose to be aiming for in the first place. All my doors and windows are open. I'm not excluding any possible opportunities for myself. I keep telling myself its going to be fine.

Til next time...



"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."

stepping stones..

I'm seriously just done with talking about moving. I need it to just happen (magically if possible) I'm pretty sure I'm getting rejected/ignored because of my pic that I'm sending with my resume....to be continued

On another note...

I wanted to ignore the fact that Del, my roommate, is not really believing/accepting/understanding of me leaving our great arrangement. Living happily with someone for almost 6 years brings bonds, comfort, and family-like feelings that are immeasurable. I will treasure this time of my life with Del. He was one of the 1st people I met and befriended in Chicago. He knew me before Bill (the ex) and has witnessed me transform into the awesome person I'm slowly becoming.
He's encouraging and lets me have my space on so many levels. I need to thank him.

I did a lot of thinking on my trip to Canada. No real soul search, but just a lot of "what ifs" and "how many contingency plans do I really need" type thoughts. I've decided to take a journey into a far more unfamiliar world then just moving 1400 miles across country, which I did when I moved from Dallas. I have no doubt that I can do it, but I'm really scared.

Luckily I'm not career focused, takes a lot of pressure off of my plans. My ultimate goal in life is to just write, volunteer, work part time somewhere that doesn't involve being a slave to spreadsheets.

Speaking of writing...I was turned down by 2 more publishers. Its fine though. I think I need to have more confidence in my work and give off the "I AM A WRITER" aura. I really can't take myself serious so why the hell should I expect anyone else to. If I were serious I think I would just self publish. I've got things to say (I roll my eyes at myself for how funny this sounds)
Even if people don't agree, its time I put it out there.

Hiatus Over, Listening to the body more...

Lets see...

I'm trying to wrap my head around Visas, like which ones I need to get for touring vs working in China and S.Korea.
My searches have been narrowed to coastal China, Seoul/Busan /Incheon S. Korea.
I figured, with the advice of Jake, that the cultural shock won't be too much if I focus on cities that are known for being expat friendly and I think I could acclimated well in.

So, my wrist has healed and I'm gradually trying to get back into working out on my regular schedule. I cut back quite a bit, understandably being broken and all. I was pretty sure I didn't lose or gain. I'm not eating and white flour, sugar, or processed foods, dairy, or meat.I figured that there wasn't too much damage made by me not working out excessively.

A coworker commented on how "thin" I looked and I didn't think much of it. Someone else said something and I was for sure that they were crazy. So I went and got measured...

I lost 5 freaking inches and 8lbs! The trainer at the gym attributed this to my metabolism "getting up there". This made me happy and also explained why NONE OF MY BRAS ARE FITTING!!!

Yes friends! I'm a 38DD HOLLA (formerly 42DD)!!!!! I seriously thought something was wrong with me and my clothes and bras, but my annoying boobs are going down. They're still too big, but its progress.

I'm heading to Toronto this weekend. I can't explain how excited I am to get away.
Right on schedule with my 31st bday. I need to do some thinking and mind clearing while I'm away.

Thats all she wrote...for now.

~Integration and Transitioning~

I will treat you all to some pics of me doing strange things...



So I've decided to start saying "when I move" instead of "hopefully" or "thinking". This is going to happen.

I'm looking for recruiters (agents and agencies that assist with jobs in foreign lands) and using all my friends to help as well. The lead I had before wants a lot more money than I'm willing to pay. I know I can do this without have to got bankrupt in the process.

It warms my heart to know that so many of my friends have happily rallied up for me. Your help is immeasurealbe and priceless. Leen, Dana, Lando, Jake and everyone in between. I'm so grateful to have the good sense to meet good people and make them my friends. I'm rusty at networking, but its not going to stop or diminish my resolve here.

I will keep you updated on the progress of this. I need to get a better pic of myself to send off with my resume. Maybe pictures that look like mug shots are not really ideal for job applications.

Health is good. I'm integrating the no meat, no dairy, no oils, no processed foods into a more doable and sustainable lifestyle choice. I've got the energy. That natural crack high...gotta love it. My yoga has taken on a life of its own. I've always been flexible, but I'm able to do poses that I've never thought of trying before. This is crazy, but I'm amazing myself with my "feats of strength". (Which is what I call ALL the things I do no matter how great or small. If I don't think highly of myself can't expect anyone else to, right?)

It seems my confidence is not lacking, nor do I hide how awesome I am. hahahahhahaha

Stay tuned for more stuff and things...

A rant...my declaration

*Sorry for the extreme language

Fuck winter for making me feel like shit. I stopped going to hot yoga as often as I was, my workouts have suffered these past few weeks, and I'm just feeling crappy in general. I decided today...no more. I'm tired, sore, and bruised from snowboarding this weekend. I did not let this stop me from going to the gym. I've had it with this funk I'm in.

Dear winter,
I will not stay in and become a vegetable, bump on a log, or any other metaphorical term for hibernating and being lazy.
I will stand in your cold AND I WILL complain.
I will walk in the snow filled sidewalks, because you decided several feet of fluffy goodness is cute.
I will happily don fun hats to keep my head warm when your subzero temperatures get out of hand.
I will wear as many scarves as possible when you're being pissy and insisting on blowing snow and wintry mixes at me.
You will not last much longer, so I'm going to put up with you.

Hear this winter...you will not dictate my feelings anymore.

Sincerely,

Resident of Chicago that just declared war on you


On an up note, I've started back on the E2 diet. I'm not really "on" it. I should stop saying that. I am doing the E2. I want to sustain eating no dairy, no meat, no oils, no processed foods for more than the original 28 days.
5 days on (during the work week) and 2 days (the weekend)not at strict. I might use olive oil or eat fish on the weekends. I'm not going to think too hard about it. I want eating like this to be less of a chore and more of a habit.

Thats all for now.

I got some air and chai and chilled...

I believe my wonder lust is getting the best of me. Being here (in this city, in this job, in this state of mine, etc, etc) is making me so restless and I'm constantly thinking that every move I make, needs to be towards my ultimate goal. Perhaps to the point I think I'm actively sabotaging my own health. I somehow got the idea that I should take excessive vitamins and minerals when I came off the detox in order to get ahead of the game (building immune system up, getting a cold or what not)...that turned out to be a very bad idea.

My, now toxic, blood levels will be normal in a few weeks.

Eggs, cheese, meats, oil hate me now and I can't seem to get use to them, STILL! I'm thinking this might be a good thing considering what the stuff does to your body.

So March 1st, I'm looking forward to permanently eating the plant-based diet.(permanently eating like I did with the 29 day detox I did in January) I'm aiming at 5 days (during the week on) and 2 days (the weekends off). I won't be as strict as before this time around. Hopefully I'll have some more people who want to take on the challenge with me. Lots of people seem to be interested in my "feasts o' strength" hahahaha.

I'm a walking infomerical for this thing!!! Engine2 is FOR YOU!!!!
It still weirds me out that I feel the NEED to eat this way, just so that I can get that natural high again...I do miss it.



More details to follow later...

Discovering and Recovering

I'm trying very hard to get back on the normal food wagon...I'm failing miserably.
So I'm thinking that this diet/detox was great overall, but I failed to have a proper exit strategy.
I underestimated what NOT having certain foods in my body meant after 28 days. Instead of slowly introducing food, I went head first like an idiot and ate things my body immediately rejected. So I am adjusting right now. I will probably eat meat and diary a few times a month. I liked having that energy. Back to keeping it simple.

We had a potluck at work today. I had a plate with 3 tablespoons of things on it that I couldn't finish. It was sad, there were so much good munchies.

Maybe removing oils, dairy, meat, processed foods completely is the lifestyle change I need...

Still figuring it out.

After 28 days

Its done. I'm finished.

Lessons learned from this:

-I can go without meat, dairy, oils, processed foods period

-This is not JUST a detox/diet. Its a lifestyle change that works wonders.

-Cooking properly for yourself has so many rewards.

-To my amazement I have will power, not as much as I would like, but I have it.

-Feeling my best should be top priority. All the time

-Disciplining yourself can change your outlook on life

-Having people around that are just as excited about what you're doing , if not more, keeps you motivated and definitely fuels you.

-I have and should be proud of my accomplishments...


I will probably keep this diet to some extent. Maybe adding oil and cheese every
now and again. From now on I'll be aware of my eating, without being excessively strict. I like having the energy and feeling good. Maintaining is whats important now.

Final Stretch...

I seriously can't wait to eat tater tots. I know people are sick of me talking about and I don't care ;-P

2 days now!

Current Status: I feel incredible! I could run a marathon literally if I wanted to right now. (I have no desire to do such a thing, but you get the point)
I find it really funny that this diet/detox was mostly common sense. Of course you will feel like crap and heavy if you eat lots of dairy. Of course removing unnatural things from your diet will give you the energy that you want and need.

I'm sleeping better (when I'm not fighting sleep to stay up). I am seriously getting up before my alarm. I do some stretching and meditating and I'm off.
I am now a full believer in cooking for yourself.
By controlling what you're putting into your body, you minimize the toxin and bad crap that you come in contact with. This all sounds cheesy and "ummm yeah that's a given", but its so true.

When I started down this path a little over a year ago, I had no real plans to do diets or drastically change myself. I just wanted to feel better mentally, physically, and emotionally. I am genuinely happy with my progress. This sounds really crazy but I'm really liking the person that I'm slowly becoming.

-dfo

Not Quite a Failure...Day 18

So this weekend was definitely a test. I'm not too disappointed in myself, but I did have a shot of jack, a slice o' bacon, a bran muffin that I'm pretty sure had eggs, and a sandwich that was on non 100% whole wheat bread with some cheese.

What I lost in discipline, I gained in perspective. I feel like it was important for me to cheat a little. When I get to the end of this hilarious process I won't pig out to the point of being sick. I am thankful for Eliz making me some of my favorite oatmeal with apples/cinnamon sticks within my parameters of the detox AND coming up with a brown rice porridge that I think I can eat everyday because its soooo good.

I still have my energy and am ready to get strict again this week. I'm going to check out Xport fitness with the FREE trial...I love free things.

I'm going to set up (meaning email like crazy) some phone interviews with some home stay families that are looking to host crazy Americans in Seoul and Tokyo. Wish me luck!

I am slowly checking off things on my whitewash board. My action plan steps are taking longer than I'd like, but slow motion is better than no motion.
I also think I'm being more proactive and reasonable about the task at hand.

That's all for now...

-D