Laxy, its a word...now (Lazy + Relax)

I finally gave up on being productive and have been spending my time at the $6- 24hour- spa across the street from my apartment. For those of you that know me and my fondness for spas, probably know that my 8 and 10 hour stints cannot be taken lightly. I've gone with a few friends, but they bail after 4 or 5 hours. I tell them with practice you can master 10+ hours. How do you not take full advantage of 8 baths (milk pool, rose pool, Chinese medicine pool, 3 whirlpools, cold pool, outdoor Japanese style hot spring like bath) swimming pool, sauna, stem room, lounge rooms with lazy boy with attached TVs, game room, and live show room. Its beyond my understanding how can one pass this up.

I left the spa yesterday day and didn't know what day it was. It sounds ridiculous but that’s what I do, apparently, for Chinese New Year holiday...

I've discovered an interesting phenomenon that happens when people leave for the holidays, you get the “what can I bring you back?” question over and over. I thought getting hongbao (red envelopes with money) was awesome, but this just adds to the holiday fun. I've requested spicy sauce from middle china, vegetables from the south, Taiwan and German medicine and some good old American Aveeno and hair care products. I will be better prepared for next holiday, perhaps a ready-made list is in order. All I need to say is “oh where are you headed, mind grabbing a few of these while you're at it...thanks”. Of course I need to be ready to transport crap back when I travel...the ying and yang of life you know.


4 Days left


Anne has become a vegetable
 

It always seems simple.

Seemed pretty simple, catch up on phone calls and emails, clean up/organized, try to get phone fixed. Also Buy a ticket to somewhere outside mainland for less than than $75, because this is the longest I've been on the mainland without leaving. I now understand the importance of those trips to Hong Kong were. The breaks are needed to keep you sane and it turns out 7 months is my limit. I wanted to go to Bangkok but my passport and visa had not been returned. Now that I have my passport, ticket are expensive and it would be INSANE to travel when 1 billion Chinese decide to travel. I know people that can handle that insanity, but I cannot.

Anyway, due to my poor planning, overzealous list making and non action taking method I forgot to buy IP cards from the guy on the corner (he went back to his hometown, wherever the hell that is). I was going to ask one of my Chinese friends to buy me a ticket somewhere for “the local price”, not the “the foreigner place” (alas, my friends have all left to go back to their hometowns throughout China)...The place I get the cheapest best quality cleaning products from, yup closed (all the folks have gone home). I'm not sure why I thought some of these people would be on my schedule and be accommodating. I thought I could go find the “Trash bag uncle”, but of course he's not around. Only thing I've successfully done is get my phone working properly. I spent 3 hours at the China Unicom (like Tmobile in China) store with a very determined man telling me that “he can do it”. I said “ok, lets see”. He was getting visible frustrated and cheering himself on in Japanese (GANBATTE! GANBATTE!) I asked if he was Japanese and most important, if he was going to be O-K. He said that it helped him focused. I told him “ok, you do you and what you gotta do”. He looked at me asked what did that mean. I told him “it means good luck”...

There is a big commerce conference coming with New Zealand, UK, African buyers. I imagine I will never see Joe again.


6 more days to go.


Anne is already behind.
 

That's just what you do

My newest  adult student is Rita. 30 year old, married Chinese lady with a newly born American son. Both her and her husband (an engineer) are Chinese. You ask how this is possible...well let me tell you. She was 7 months pregnant when she went to LA along with her 6 other pregnant Chinese friends (how are you even able to board an international flight being that far along is beyond me). They worked and shopped under a 6 month work/tour visa respectively until they all popped out their kids with U.S. birth certificates. They were allowed to stay a few months longer after giving birth (I have no idea how that's even possible) at which point they all flew back to China. Most of them cannot speak English nor are they trying to learn, except Rita. Rita works for a film production company in Shanghai and is very anti-China. She only buys and uses foreign products. She's working on her English so that her American son can be in an “American” feeling environment. I'm not sure about the legalities of this but its truly insane, in my opinion, for people to go to these extremes for a US citizenship.

During our first few classes we've discussed everything from bottles, teething rings, formula feeding, to what to buy for diaper rash, and “how can he get free education in middle school?”. I know what you're thinking. All of this is wrong for so many reasons and on so many levels. I told her during my first English session with her, “I don't have kids and I might not be a good reference on this topic”. Her reply “you are American and you were a baby, right?”. I could not argue both of those facts. I then told her that I believed you needed to be a taxpayer to get in on that free education (tried to explain in my horrible Chinese). To which she replies, “my son has a US birth certificate so that should be fine”. Again I could not argue, because I'm not a lawyer and I have no idea. Rita is very happy, smart and loves LA (I should've been more suspicious of this before). I tell her that I think she would need to research her options as far as the future for her son. I don't feel comfortable giving her my input. She cheerfully tells me “but I'm asking. I can listen to it or not listen”. Once again, valid point. I try to practice everyday English conversations and it somehow its turned into us shopping on amazon.com and her drilling me on the newest baby toy or cartoon or whatever American/baby thing she thinks she needs.

Its crazy to me that there are probably hundreds of babies in this situation. Parents patiently waiting for their kids to turn 21 in order to apply for and get a US passport.  The things people with money will do.

How am I still being surprised by this place? Cause its China. It's like no other.

~Anne
 

Skinny jeans and Leggings as pants

I've been that person wearing skinny jean and leggings as pants outside in public. The 1st time was an accident (I was tired and rushed out without putting my skirt on). After that I realized that my sweaters* where big and long enough and no one could tell or really cared. Besides grown ass people are walking around in matching flannel teddy bear/hearts/colorful pajamas with church shoes...I think I'm ok.

*I have a guy that I go to for sweaters once every few weeks. He sets up just outside the cheap street market selling stuff out of very large trash bags that smell like lavender and lemon for $2 USD- $8USD. I don't judge and the sweaters are nice. He calls me hei mao, black cat . I think because of my ninja like moves as I look through his bags . I call him laji bao shu shu, trash bag uncle, and he seems to enjoy it for some strange reason.

Anyway a few months ago the weather started changing and it hit me that I was not prepared. I could have quickly had some things made for cheap, but I somehow ended up at Uniqlo and Forever 21. Uniqlo had a sale on EVERYTHING. I got 2 sweaters, a vest, and 4 pairs of skinny jeans (that I might add look good on me) for 500RMB approx. $80USD. Soon after, I popped over to Forever 21 with my friend because so many Chinese people will not shut up about it finally coming to china I walked into this 6 story insane metropolis that is full of people. I ask my friend why the hell does Forever 21 have 6 floors? She said "I don't know, but lets start from the top and work our way down". So we did. I didn't do much damage...5 leggings, 4 shirts (for layering friends, I hate big coats. Plus its no Chicago winter here hahaha), and scarf. All for a grand total of 160RMB approx. $25USD. Stores in China seemed to had recently discovered REAL SALES and discounts. Now if we could only get a Target or TJMaxx up in here...dangerous.

Anne's missing you all :)

Happy New Year

"Life is like a camera,
Just focus on what's important and capture the good times,
develop from the negative and if things don't work out,
just take another shot.” 

I'm not going to over analyze 2012 or set crazy expectations for this year. I'm just going to keep trucking on. I'm busy with the school and private students. My goal is trying to save money and pay off debts...

Moving forward is my only focus. Dealing with the headache of Joe being absurdly busy and his family extremely crazy, I decided that I can't change things that I have no control over. So no more stressing out about that.

I'm going to work on going to the spa more and get back into shape. I've seem to have somehow been hanging out with the roommate in the mix of frustration/absence of Joe and that's insane. Ivanne came to me a few weeks ago and said that she wants to be a better person. I said ummm ok and then she asked me what she can do. I asked her why she she thought that I could answer this question for her. She exclaims that I seem to have it together. I laugh at her and say nothing is ever as it seems I tell her that I had 12 years on her to learn how to do things. I'm always learning and making mistakes. She says that she wants to do something with her life, but not sure where to start or what to do. I tell her that she can start from there and that no one can give her the answers. I told her that she needs to stop being so damn lazy if she wanted some advice. That was as much as I was going to provide. Hell, no one is mapping things out for me. I'm taking one day at a time too.

Anne is still in China...
 

Killing is bad

I take my responsibility of other people's children very serious. I did not realized this until a spoiled 6 year old with an attitude and a temper tried to test me and apparently try to kick my ass. His name is Stone. Not sure who gave him that name, but its by far the most appropriately named kid I've ever met. He's very smart and thinks the world owes him...well...EVERYTHING. Not true, not in this lifetime. He throws small fits in class (apparently hits the Chinese teacher when she has class with him), I just throw him out. I thought perhaps him being a little spoiled prince, but I now realized its a behavioral/mental issue. He started throwing chairs and going ape shit over something small like not getting more points for a game or losing a turn, because I like to teach real life games (i.e. tic-tac-toe and ladders. You cannot win EVERYTIME in life no matter what the hell your parents say). At some point he almost decapitated 2 kids with these crazy yellow plastic chairs and was scaring the hell out of everyone. I grabbed Stone and dragged him out of class and told my TA, Chinese assistant, to translate VERBATIM what I'm saying (They tend to sugar coat translations as to not hurt the child's feelings. They think the foreigner don't realized it and smile, but today I needed this kid to understand I will not be putting up this is zoo like bullshit of his anymore). I said you will not act like this in MY CLASSROOM. I will not allow you to scare or endanger anyone in MY CLASSROOM. Your bad behavior and attitude will not be tolerated while I'm teaching. Do not come back to MY CLASSROOM until you understand. OK?!?!?!?My TA stared at me after translating like I had sacrificed a puppy. Because they have never seen me upset and she tells me that I think he understands cause he's crying and huffing and puffing. I told her that he cannot come in and that she cannot coddle him either. These kids need to know there are repercussions for their actions. Babying him is not going to make things easier for either of us. At this point some other classes have stopped to see what happened, cause no one has heard me and my murderous tone before. I calmly went back to the classroom and our class happily played spelling hopscotch without Stone.

Stone and his grandmother came to ask for my forgiveness and to beg me to allow him to return to class the following week. After he apologized to the class, I let him return. Stone has been the sweetest teddy bear since. Helping the other kids with their homework and playing well with the others. I've seen him huffing and puffing at his grandmother, but he knows I will strangle him if he brings that nonsense back into my class. Just saying.



~Regulator Anne out~
 

Just looking

While riding the train, I often take notice of the many disparities in class, in income, in social etiquette. It sometimes huge and dynamic. A poorly dresses migrant worker standing tall as if he were royalty. While next to him a very well dressed businessman yelling rudely on the phone, scratching his ass and picking his nose. I'm sure you can see this anywhere in the world but, its a special/strange oddity here.

Anne's food for thought ;)
 

Sharing means caring

I thought that one of my TA (teacher assistant)telling me "you looking sexy today", while I was in the middle of teaching a lesson, would be the OH OK I'VE HEARD/SEEN IT ALL moment, but no. My youngest student Jerry 2 1/2 years old (pictured)

He knows more than lets on and has insisted on becoming my lil laoshi (teacher) and class REGULATOR. Many of the students sometimes call me Black Cat (no idea why) or "da pigu" (big butt). I can only guess about the latter, but whatever. Jerry thinks its a good idea to stand next to me or my TA to help sing/teach/oversea the class

Today was special, for some reason I was showing the kids stand up, sit down, turn around. They all thought I looked funny, I guess, and started shouting da pigu (big butt) Jerry yells "SIT DOWN PLEASE" and proceed to attempt to bite my butt with the few teeth he has. I asked him what he was doing and he just laughed and started singing a song we learned a few weeks ago. I tell him "ni feng la hai zi" (you crazy child. He smiles and tells me to hurry and clap (in chinese).

Its clear to me that there is a 50 year old man in that 2 1/2 year old body...

Anne must watch out...for real.

This here is a graph

After expressing my frustrations with Joe in regards to the lack of time we have together recently, he drew me a graph to "explain the situation". Said graph to the left is a representation to show, in Joe's eyes, how my mood and time we've been together are related.

My interpretation to him: "Oh so the longer I'm with you, the worst my mood will become?!?!"

His interpretation: "No, no. The proof is right here (seriously pointing to his little graph) Its compulsory that you stay with me to increase your [good] mood. When I'm not around your mood is obviously down"

Who uses compulsory in normal conversations. Who draws a graph in the middle of a discussion. Apparently the guy keeping my mood up.
I don't think I lost this argument, but I will be returning to the discussion table with a graphing calculator and compass in hand very soon.

This is what he looked like after trying to sell this nonsense to me.

This is Joe singing to me after assuming he won the argument...Who is this guy, seriously. Crazy Joe.

Thats all Anne has for now.

I'm well aware that life is just one big social experiment after another. I think I just take note of it more often than most. Its been raining quite a lot these pass few days and I don't mind having to go to work on crappy days.
One of my favorite kids today told me “I’m not so good” at the beginning of class. I'm assuming because I pound the importance of greeting people and asking how are you and having a real reply. I ask him why and he didn't say anything. I told him “its ok, we'll have a good class”. By the end of the class he was smiling, not at his 100%, but seemingly a little better than before. He hugged me and said thank you at the end of class. I'm not sure if he realized what he said or what he was doing, but he made my chest hurt a little inside. I like the pure honesty of kids. We all have bad days and just telling someone sometimes helps a little, I think.

Happy Thanksgiving, apparently...

the rooommate

After looking at many places, I finally came across a French speaking girl from Madagascar named Shamira . She was looking for someone to replace her because she was sick and tired of China and her German bf she met in Shanghai said that he wants to marry her...but she would need to leave China. She said ok.

Shamira was a hilarious no bullshit young lady. I wish she stayed longer. Her last weeks here were really fun . Now I have another reason to go to Germany now :)
Before Shamira left she gave me the detailed low down on my now current roommate Anna (the girl has many alias' I just found out about this one). Shamira did not sugar coat ANYTHING. So I knew what I was getting into right away (she said she only thought it was fair that I knew that I would now have a grown ass child under my wings)
I sat back and watched and waited...

“Anna/Ivanna/Ivy/Ann/Becky” is from Jakarta. She's VERY much 21 years old. She “goes to school here in china” (meaning her mother pays and she goes to class from time to time when she is not drunk, passed out, or trying to hustle work from somewhere).

She's smart and means well, but just terribly immature. I tried to hangout with her initially while Shamira was still in Shanghai. Although I was tired and it wasn't easy with my schedule, I went out exactly 4 times before I called it quits. Anna likes to party...which is totally fine. She likes for others to pay for her and she loves online meet ups and meeting guys on a daily basis treat her. Its on an impressive level. She doesn't go home with any of them AND they pay for her taxis home. She's very naïve and only sees things and decides based on “will I have a good time or not”. Its a different approach to prioritizing your life, but whatever.

I stopped all social activity when I somehow ended up on a double date with her when she popped up (with her latest online guy and his friend) at bar where I was watching a soccer game. I did not invite her or tell her where I was. I think the bartender told her. The girl is strangely connected. She comes up to me and whispers that these guys will buy us dinner and drinks. I looked at her like she had 5 eyes and 4 breast. She then says “oh its fine, I won't tell Joe. He's too busy anyway”. I tell her that thats not the problem here. She laughs and says no worries. I continue watching the game. I leave them ALL there after I finished watching the game. She was disappointed and told me when she got home that they split the bill and made her pay for her own shit and that she will never call them again EVER. I shook my head and said that I will never go out with her EVER again. You are too ridiculous for even me.

Life mantra "no drama, no crazy"

withs lots of love from china,

Anne with an "e"

2 months in...I'm alive and ok!

"When you come to China you can write a trilogy. When you have been here for a month, you can write a book. When you have been here for 6 months, you can write an article. And when you have been here for over a year you are lucky if you can write a paragraph." ~Anonymous

September 1, 2012
The housing the school provided had rules* that were a little too strict plus I'm not 12 years old nor am I at camp. So I opt for the housing allowance and looking for a place myself.

*rules included a curfew, no guys, no alcohol, and a strange requirement to attend some social gatherings a few times a month...

After finding an apt, losing the apt (Joe put a deposit on a place and we later found out that the landlord gave the place to someone else that offered more money. Seriously...no honor among thieves) we looked at countless apt, 20 places to be exact. After finding a place that was perfect EXCEPT for the extremely large Maytag 1970s style refrigerator that was kept in the hallway. (I was not OK with having to squeeze pass this big ass obstruction on a daily bases. The landlord didn't want to remove it, and wanted to charge us more if we moved it AND/OR bought a small fridge for the rooms) We came to the conclusion that neither of us wants to keep looking. We decided to put the living together thing on hold. Especially considering the headaches we were facing.
Scenario – One landlord didn't want a couple in this place. So Joe and I would have to flip a coin for the apt.
Scenario – One landlord didn't want Blacks/migrant works/anyone that wasn't the right skin color. (no it doesn't bother me as much. I feel ignorance is a disease that I don't want to catch. So more power to the people that show how ignorant they are from jump street. for realz)
Scenario – One landlord just didn't want Joe...I thing it had more to do with the landlords wife FLIRTING WITH JOE, but whatever.
That was only a small bit of the headaches we went through. Meanwhile Joe has been in and out of Shanghai working MORE because of 1 jackass colleague of 6 years decided to up and back stab everyone at his company. Taking money and suppliers. People will do anything for ol' might RMB.

I found a place with roommate (that’s a story for another time) and will probably revisit the living with Joe in 6 months (said roommate might be kicked out the country for being absurd). I am busy with the school (actually chose to teach kids 20hrs a week and adults a few hours a week) and am liking it. Mainly because its legal and legit and not very stressful...FINALLY FOLKS.

September 15, 2012...
I went looking for the police station near my new home. I stopped 2 cops, a street cleaner, a few random pedestrians and no one knew. The cops pointed me in the direction of the exit/entry immigration office (basically telling me to go where all the other foreigners looked to be headed). I was in search of the special local district police station, that foreigners are SUPPOSE to register with. I do enjoy how its SO important to make sure the government knows your whereabouts upon immediate entry but fail to give its citizens, or anyone, a clue about where or how that should happen. No, this is not bitter talk. This is having to walk for 2 hours in 80 degrees with 90% humidity rantings. When I found the station (by an act of God) the computer system for housing registering was down and they told me to return in a few days and/or call some number to see if its working. I'm thinking “of course”... I returned 6 days later when it had finally been repaired and they asked me why I took so long to register....HAHAHHAHAHA.
I replied to them "我不知道 (I don't know)"

Random thought:
I think being with Joe - absent the Nigerian part with all of the stereotypes and negative implications...I think we could pull off a nice sexy heist somewhere.

no worries more to come :)

Lots of love,

Anne with an 'e'

Now lets try this again...

After saving some money working at the hilarious doctors association , finding a “job” (I use quotes because I will not take anything for granted EVER in China), getting a plane ticket, it was time to get back on the horse*.

*by horse folks, I mean back to the grind of being in China. NOTHING ELSE ROFL.

I had not updated here mainly because I was not in China and Anne was emotionally spent. In the past 6 and half months of being in the States, I realized that

A) Dallas MOST definitely is not home
B) Chicago is a safe haven for me from now until forever
C) Working 9 to 5 to punch a clock is something that I will fight like hell to stay far away from.
D) I seriously know some amazing people and am very fortunate to have them in my life.

After a rushed packing job, (thank you Kim for the duffel coupon and Beth for monopolizing SO MUCH of your place) I was on my way.

I take a flight to Seattle, have a picnic with Darcy (layover style). Board my Seattle to Beijing flight. While on this flight I make friends with my row mates. By the end of the 12 hours we were besties playing tournament style Bejeweled games on the consoles. I met a guy that was flying to south china to do some "business" there. Something to do with buying goods back and forth to Miami and Jamacia. I talk about how Joes moves products around China and he's kind of smart and blah, blah, blah.
The guys seemed interested in getting Joe as a contact, so he gave me his information.

*sidenote: Passed his information to Joe. Joe said the guy was flirting with me and was schemeing since the guy could not provide any real information to me as to why he was coming to China (i.e. exactly what 'product is he moving', why is he coming without a translator, how is he coming here and not knowing anyone?!??!?!) . "You have to know that he was trying to sound important and you weren't paying attention" Oh well I said. I was trying to be helpful.

Flight from Beijing to Shanghai delayed. (I called Joe and told him to stay home and wait to hear from me) After waiting 2 hours to board the plane, we sit on the tarmac for 2 more hours. I was told that this is normal with these domestic flights. I just wanted to sleep and couldn't. We land and I breeze through customs and immigration. I walk out to a sign with my name on it "Danielle Foster". The center that I will be working with has come through with the driver (Yes I had doubts). The driver had waited 3 hours for me and had the biggest smile on his face. I was so exhausted it seemed surreal. The driver takes me to the dormitory where I will be living and/or transisiting from. He is so helpful and patient. I get to my room and put my head on the pillow to finally sleep and realize "oh shit Joe". I have to use a pay phone outside to call Joe because my China phone apparently expired to mine and Joe's surprise. He said he was very worried cause he didn't hear from me and had to idea where to start looking for me. He met me at the dorm 10 minutes later with big grin and hug. Oh how I wish I wasn't so tired. He said that he just wanted to see my face for at least a minute and then I could go to sleep.

That was day 1...

Welcome back to China

lots of love,

Anne with an 'e'

The trick to breakdowns are...

you have to just let it happen.

recap of the last few months for me (this is in the vain of Revenge: The Beginnings episode, which thanks to my housemates, is on a list of television shows that I'm now watching)...

Came to Chicago, reluctantly looked for work...painstakingly found a few conferences to work at through some agencies. Finally found a "temp to perm" position with a doctor association. Realized I wanted to kill myself everyday getting paid minumum wage and being yelled at and treated like a mildly retarded child by a woman that was as old as Jesus. I saved and continued applying for work. Slowing being depressed with my circumstances, but extremely fortunate to have people that care enough about me to put up with me and all my bullshit. I got a job offer in Shanghai from a legit school. As legit as I can believe at this point...cause its China.

Now the waiting game of what moves to make now.

Blessed with hindsight....some are not

So its been awhile, my apologies. I was in dire need of "getting my shit together". Needless to say that I'm still getting it together but with a clearer more realistic perspective. This will be the beginning of Volume 2 of "What Would Anne of Green Gables Do In China" (Sean Carter had a volume 2 so I deem worthy of such things as well).

My hesitation, as usual, to update was due to lack of anything to post and a weird need to be in China in order to truly justify blogging. (dumb, I know) I was looking at my web stats and laughing just thinking about those in Africa and Europe that are reading this thing. (Yes, I know who you are. I love and miss you all)

Updates...

I've uploaded the first half of this blog to lulu.com (hence the Volume 2 thing) that will ultimately get fed into the ebook abyss that is amazon, kindle, nook, ipad, etc, etc. It might be a little annoying to those that have read and followed me, but whatever. Just buy the damn thing and love it all over again...geesh

My other books will follow soon...must see how this one will do on the market (hahhaha I sound so professional, whatever)
I've submitted some works of fiction and randomness in various places (emagazines, contests, and writer calls) I'm just putting it out there, everywhere.

I've started working temping at the AOA (American Osteopathic Association) in the Education Dept as an admin. The pay is the worst, but the people are the best. They're all telling me how they all started as temps. How "it could be 3 months or 3 years before they hire you, but its worth the wait". Now I've been down this road and honestly don't want to do that again. So of course I'm looking for other things, while planning a return to China. I've signed 2 contracts with schools in Shanghai. I'm in constant contact, via skype and email, with one of them. He seems very insistent on trying to prove the legitimacy of his school to me. I've told him of my interesting aka hellish Chinese school/training center encounters and he wants me to give them a chance. We shall see. They seem legit, but we know how this story goes. The contract starts Aug 25th. I am hoping to save enough money from this AOA gig (prob not) get my visa, get my flight and be back in the land of...squatting toilets.

Yes, I sound crazy, but its a job. I'm not desperate (maybe a little). These past few months in the states have proven to be a test my faith in humanity and patience. I feel like leaving before was a test run or recon. Now to go and be smart about it.

Currently I'm planning with Joe how this can be done in less frustrating/reasonable manner...

I will keep you posted

Love,

Anne with an 'e'