Its been a week since Anne has returned and it doesn't seem real. Joe calls/skypes/txt msgs me to stay positive and tells me to take my time figuring out my next step. Thats nice and all but...
Before I left Shanghai I got my yearly day planner, organized what I would do when I touched down in the States, and made all these wonderful plans to conquer the world and be awesome and great and blah, blah, blah.
Its come to my attention, in the last few days, that there were factors I did not calculate in my "coming home to regroup" plan.
1. I've not lived in Dallas in over 11 years.
2. Chicago feels more home to me than Texas.
3. I hate being in a city where you HAVE to drive and rely 85% on your car and be in traffic
4. I left Dallas for reason, I must have forgotten
5. Losing motivation and wanting to hide in the house (no car, no money, no job) is all I feel like doing.
6. I cannot fast forward to the part where I've figured everything out.
I've slowly started feeling more comfortable about being social and attempting to see people. I saw some of my favorite cousins that I've not seen in awhile and that made me very happy. I've gone to the movies with my sister ran errands with my dad.
I believe this adjusting thing is taking longer than I expected.
My favorite reaction from the few people I've met up with is "What are you doing back here?". I laughed it off the first few times. But after Vanessa asked me the same question, I started thinking "what AM I DOING BACK HERE?" Then a rush of my past year and half come rolling back and I am quickly reminded that "oh, I needed a damn break from China"...
So I'm just taking it slowly now. Slow motion is better than no motion, but I won't confuse my direction with my pace. I am going forward.
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