This is how it is

While Jo is looking for various ways for me to enter China I'm caught in an ongoing 'As the World Turns' episode.

I’ve somehow caught a cold and didn’t want to pass up some promenade strolling,crepe eating, art looking in Cannes, St. Tropez, and Nice. So enjoy a few pics of me trying to have a good time with a runny nose and headache.

As promised, Agnes (the first wife of Hairong ex-deceased husband) came for a visit. I understood after she left what “special relationship” meant. Hairong has her working on French documents and running errands. Agnes happily obliges, while giving the boys French lessons. (I crashed a few lessons because I could use them as well) She’s this 65 year old woman that smokes like a chimney, and is very slow talking and patient. I like when I’m able to get different sides and versions of stories. (I apologize in advance. I feel like I’m airing these folks dirty laundry, but whatever. They shouldn’t be so ridiculous)
Agnes told me her about her place, or role I should say, in this family. She said that she still loved her ex-deceased husband (Bernard is his name) and that she was with him the last few weeks he was alive (she told me not to tell Hairong that and that also Bernard’s last wish was for Agnes to ‘fix’ immigration papers so that the Russian and HER 2 kids with him, can stay in France. Hairong would have them kicked out immediately after Bernard died). My ‘share EVERYTHING with me’ sign must have been shining brightly for her, because she did not hold back. She told me that Hairong still loved the “SOB” and how she is still upset to this day that she didn’t ‘win’ Bernard completely. After chasing her for 10 years, he still ran off with the Russian girl (ummm who wouldn’t be) Anges says she’s worried about the boys and how sheltered they are kept. Agnes has 3 boys from Bernard (papa was a rolling stone) they worry about their step brothers Jacques and Pierre with Hairong’s ‘child rearing’ methods. That seems unanimous with everyone that knows the family. She said she would take them if she didn’t have her own family problems (90 year old mother has cut almost everyone out of the will and if she should die in a suspicious way, all of her money goes to charity. The mom lives in a castle afraid of her child in northern France. Agnes “I think she will try to take her money with her”) I think I’ve had enough practice hearing these stories that I can keep a straight face. (in my head I’m thinking, “what did Alexis do now to Crystal”-Dynasty reference if you didn’t know)
Agnes stayed with me in one of the houses I am currently living in on the compound. She tells me that she knows that Hairong doesn’t trust her and thinks she’s a begging snake. (I look at her thinking “well hairong said viper fox, but I guess its about the same”) Anges says that she only keep useful people around her. She says “I use to work in the government so I understand certain paperwork better than most. Hairong knows this well." She tells me to be careful not to upset Hairong, because you don't want to be on her bad side. She leaves and gives me her contact information in Paris and tells me "just in case, you just never know here. don't tell hairong. it will be the end for you"...I smile and thank her and wish her luck with her family. (what the hell else could I say?)

Jo tells me "He who sups with the devil should have a long spoon" after I complain to him about my woes(because he's an old man and likes to speak in proverbs for some reason...
I'm learning about many interesting sides to Hairong. I told her she should write a book...maybe I will help her (quite possibly without her knowing)

I must now go eat some 5 bean and rice soup to get rid of my cold. Hairong made it, cause she knows best...

nothing is free...

As some of you know, Hairong has asked me to help her find her youngest son Pierre a place to live, go to school, someone to watch him like prisoner on death row in the good ol' U S of A.
Her ONLY requirements...
-A family with 1 or more children that plans to go to Harvard or any other top school in the US
-A 2 parent home (mother and father)
-One of said parents should be a professor or teacher
-Said parent should work at the school where Pierre with be attending (so that they can watch him throughout the day)
-Someone that can cook, clean, take him to school and pick him up.
I look at her waiting for the punchline, cause this has GOT to be a joke. It wasn't. She was quite serious.
Completely irrational and unreasonable...what do I do...Of course I start looking. I don't think I know that many people or have enough experience with rich folks and their strange problems, but I do know I’m resourceful as hell.
So I gathered a small list of schools and options. I explain to her that it will cost a lot because NO ONE does this...for cheap anyway. (you’re asking someone to raise your child for crying out loud) After she scoffs at how expensive children are, she asked if I had family that would like to do something like this. I told her that my family would probably be MUCH MORE expensive to work with. (much like me, my family sees an opportunity and should be paid properly for it) At this point I've already started to realize that this woman has no idea what to do with her children. Whether raising them or educating them. Her fanciful idea of raising children and being a mother are turning out to be soooo far from her ideal. She treats the children like employees.(They get yelled at about once or twice a day) They don't have any friends they can go socialize or play with, nor do they have freedom to do anything. I really am worried about these boys.
Hairong and I went to Paris for a few days (she had a Dr appt, but really she wanted to get away. Apparently she can't be with her kids more than 2 or 3 days at a time) she spent about a quarter of a million euros on clothes and some other useless things. We came back to Toulon and the boys asked their mother when will they get to get some clothes (they needed them. They wear the same 5 pants, shirts, underwear everyday). We go to carrefour (walmart of france) to get the boys a few pants and underwear. Hairong won't let them pick out their own things and she only wants to spend 30 euro on both of them.(yes thats about $43USD)I looked at this spectacle in pure astonishment. Pierre showing his mom something he likes and looked to be pretty cheap and her tell him "no, that’s too much". I watched her in Paris (with her personal shopper in every store we went to) just pick up and buy. Not one time did she look at a price tag. Now you can't tell people how to spend their money or raise their their kids, but do you have to feign poverty with it comes to the kids basic needs. At first I thought she was teaching the boys the value of a dollar and not to be spoiled and blah blah life lessons, but come on. You just bought 4 helicopters and sold your castle. Throw the kids a damn bone...
The boys happily accepted the precious scraps they were thrown and thanked their mother. I'm still dumbfounded from witnessing this. The boys later told me that they understand how things work with their mother and that she won't change. I don't get it and its not for me to understand.
Hairong does find it strange that I don't live and work in the States making millions since I am "so smart and attractive". I keep telling her its not that easy (or even like that). I tell her I was just above poor living in Chicago. She laughs at me and says "you don't need to be modest with me". I try very hard to explain to her that, sadly there are millions of people better looking and smarter than me. She replies "oh you will find a good husband and family soon to settle down with" as if to encourage me. I cannot understand how someone so worldly and well traveled, does not understand that I'm not being overly humble nor do I need to 'settle' down to feel 'complete'. I can only guess its a cultural, age, economic level difference. All she hears is "how much you win" (I've come to understand, speaking to Jacques the oldest son, that this is Chinese thinking of "what you make, your salary") I explain to Jacques that maybe there's some erroneous translating on some ones part, but I don't win money. I work hard and EARN money.
Let’s just say, that attitudes have changed toward me since I’ve told her that its not going to be as simple at she would like to find places for her son nor will the fact she has money make me act differently. I think the free ride is over. Its fine because I knew this was coming. Nothing is free.

Next installment: Agnes (not Annez as I thought)…the ex wife comes for a visit

Trying to take one day at a time,

-Anne

Jo is ok and I'm feeling better but...

I've started writing many times and kept stopping because its unbelieveable the things I'm experiencing...

Hairong and I have had many heart to heart conversations these past few weeks. It breaks my heart that someone so rich, sweet, kind, and scary can have the life she's living. She's so worried about her sons and what’s going to happen to them after she’s gone. She is clueless about how to educate boys that have been given such a life and don't have the same drive and determination she does. It seems she's lonely and has few confidantes.

So this is the story...
She is not married to the tiger father apparently. (I KNOW, RIGHT! THAT IS THE TIP OF THE DAMN ICEBURG) Tiger dad, Alain, has and an ex-wife and 3 children, ages from 17 to 27. They all go to Alain for money. Hairong said she won't marry him, because she doesn’t' want any of her money to go to lazy, selfish people that don’t work or want to be proper members of socitey...(I'm with her on that!!!) I've met 2 of the children. French guys are afraid of their kids, no joke. Alain has told his children all the homes (12 on 3 different continents) that Hairong has bought and own are his homes and its ok for them to call it 'their' home. I've see fire in Hairong eyes when he's said this (I’ve heard it many times now). Hairong has told me on many occasions that she’s never married or would marry for money. She is extremely hard working and driven. The 'home' Alains kids liked the most is in Normandy (its a chateau, no exaggeration. a damn castle). The kids complained a few weeks ago about some things needing 'fixed' and that they needed more help (they can't possible wash their own clothes or cook themselves) and that their father should take care of it.
Without warning or notice, Hairong and I took a train to Normandy 3 days ago. Met 3 very good looking men at the castle. She signed some papers and told me, "fin, this place is full of bad memories.” We headed back to Toulon. She sold the place to some neighbor that had been asking to buy it for the past 10 years. She told Alain when we came back to Toulon "you should tell the children thats not 'home' anymore. Now what should I make for dinner”. Hairong has been with Alain for over 10 years now. She says she MIGHT marry him when she’s 80 or something, but not a second before. She’s explained to me that the laws in France are not fair if the woman has more money than the man. C’est la vie.
Then there is the 1st wife of her husband that ran off with the Russian girl (Russia girl was his 3rd wife). Jacques and Pierre’s father…Her name is Annez and she is probably the scariest person next to Alain’s kids. She works as a teacher in Paris. Had been divorced from Hairong’s husband 10 years before Hairong married him. She says they are “special friends”. The people around Hairong make me really understand that saying “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”. Annez has tried to pay off a few of Hairong’s drivers to get evidence that could be used against her and have have Hairong committed to an insane asylum. In addition to the heart to hearts I’ve had with Hairong, I’ve spoken with a lot of the help since I’ve known the kids. I have a face that looks like I should be told these things I guess…
Anyway, that’s the main cast of characters I’ve been dealing with on the regular. I’m sure more will follow. Focus now is on visa. Joe really thinks I don’t want to come back, so I need to prove him wrong.

Really wish you all were here with me to witness the going ons here, alas...

Love,
Tired anne w/ an 'e'

"Great geniuses have the shortest biographies" -Emerson

I suffered from a little too much heat on "La Fête Nationale" (no one here calls it Bastille Day, so I felt like a tool trying to explain what I was talking about...)
Charlotte brought me flowers (in a glass that her mother would kill her if she found out it became a planter) as I layed in bed and she sat and watched me sleep. I woke up and told her that I'm not dying, so 'wo bu xihuan hua' (i don't want flowers) merci beaucoup. The girl is hilarious.

my problems are small...i know

When he finally called, Jo seemed fine. He’s worried and didn’t want me to be worried. So this was his logic behind not really explaining things to me in the first place. He’s looking for a doctor that is or could be somewhat reliable. In China, this is very complicated. Many foreigners I know say that they just go home for any major medical procedures. This may sound racist but considering Jo is from Nigeria, I’m not sure if healthcare is really that much different from China. (think what you want, but I’m American. I take things for granted…I know) The doctors in China are crazy because they see a million people daily. The international hospitals are ok, but extremely overpriced. (no surprises there) So finding someone that understands your health problem AND someone to take care of it are massive upheavals. If you’re educated and able to question things, they tend can get very defensive. (losing face and all)
He says he’ll keep me posted…I can only hope he does. Meanwhile he text messages me that he’s putting more money on my phone because we keep talking so much (WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?!?!?) GUYS ARE DUMB.
I’m 15 days into this little joyride and/or holiday thing. Tiger dad has shown up and the family is all over the place. They want to remodel the 3rd house and move furniture around and blah, blah, blah domestic things I’m not interested in. I think I will venture out on my own more now. The Chinese drivers and the ayi’s (maids) 30 day visas are almost up so I wonder what will happen. I’m sure it will be fine.

So news on the Shanghai front…

Those idiots at the pimp school have lost their minds. So apparently my students don’t like their replacements (cause I can’t teach while I’m in France) and they want me to return as soon as possible. The head lady was fired and the new ‘john’ is even crazier. Someone thought it was a good idea not to pay me my salary from the last 2 months to make sure “I come back”. What is wrong with people?!?!?!?! I will deal with that when I return to Shanghai. Now to take one challenge at a time…get back to Shanghai.
That’s all for now. I will post more pics later. I look forward to reading my snail mail (^_^)

the boyfriend...Arghhhh

Jo (I'm not sure why I don't spell it Joe, but whatever) has called me frequently since my arrival. I know he misses me and thinks this is a good opportunity for me, but he insist I try to see everything possible. China and France were never on my bucket list, but life happens. I try not to complain. I'm grateful for this and all my opportunities.

I appreciate Jo, whether he's obsessing over some football (soccer match), working late hours, sneaking smokes, dragging me places or whatever. I like him. Although he talks of 'future' and whatnot, I still like him.
Last time I spoke to him, he told me "From looking at your pics, France is making you more beautiful. I wouldn't blame you if you stayed there". I laughed and thought "if I could afford such a lifestyle...maybe."

I received a text message today from him saying, "I have to go the hospital for surgery. I will be in for 4 days. They need to remove 2 lipomas. I will call you later" WHY ON EARTH DID HE TEXT MESSAGE ME!?!??!?! You call me every damn day to tell me what you're wearing and what you eat and ask me what I did...but you don't share this detail with me. I don't know if its a guy thing, but he is ridiculous. Now I am WAITING for him to call. I don't wait, but since I like this guy, I guess I have no choice. I would give more details, but I don't have any. Arghhhhh

signed

-Anne with and 'e'(e for enraged)

sorry just venting

Without fail, I get sick in a new place

I feel like the most inconsiderate houseguest ever. Tiger mom suggested I move back to the main house so that I can be looked after. I told her that I'm fine and its because I've been eating like a pig the past few weeks, so no worries. She laughs and says (channeling her very Chinese side)"oh you silly Americans and your week systems. Almost every American I know that comes to China, France, or anywhere abroad, seems to need time to adjust. But its ok, I will make you plenty of good soup." I can't argue this point and simply say "oui, madam"

I'm not sure that I mentioned that she's been cooking lunch and dinner almost everyday. The ayi and 1 of the drivers were sent back to China to help the family of the "accidental death/murdered" father. So we have one driver and no ayi (maid)now. (until the father, thats currently doing business in Germany comes his 2 kids from a previous wife and house staff) The children clean, wash, organize the house. She has an army.

I've only had energy to lay on the beaches. So we've been to 6 different locations. I might have had too much sun. I have zero energy and alway dizzy. Tiger mom said if it continues "we're going to the doctor". She is very excited to show me how the health system works and where here tax dollars are going. She has a business meeting with some Swiss company in Monaco on Thursday and I told her I would tag along for the Monaco part if I was up to it. She said that the driver can take me around. I laughed at her and said "oh no, thats ok, I'll go old school with public transportation". She looked at me very confused "why would you do that"....
I scratch my head in confusion and said "well I can get to know the city that way". She says ok "driver zhou can follow". I told her "I will have the driver drive me" I saw a look of "of course you will" on her face. She is definitely in control. Oh Type A personalities, I do enjoy letting them think they won something.

I've given the boys lessons. Reading and writing assignments (at least I'm trying to give them 20euro and hours worth)They humor me and then go play. this place has everything so its very hard to leave. I think Tiger mom planned it that way. I could go out and be a tourist, but its really easy to act like a native. Get up, go to the market, go to the backyard and lay by the sea and just let the day pass. Come in for an amazing lunch. Read on the terrace. NAP...YES NAP. Go swimming and layout on the boat. Come in for some 6 or 7 course dinner. Go for a walk around the compound. Watch a light show or whatever the hell is going on along the coast line...

I know I shouldn't but I could get use to this life. Extremely dangerous. I thought the 1st few beaches we went to were nude beaches. No every beach we've visited has naked folks walking around. I'm not getting any ideas, but its interesting how laid back everything and everyone is here.

Ok, I'm going to attempt to help with dinner now.

love, love you all

-anne with an 'e'

The local frenchies in the soutth...

Do not like me. I'm sure its in my head, but I can feel the eyes rolling as I desperately form sentences. I am also not being stared at here like in China. (My popularity is down here...black folks everywhere.) I finally decided that the youngest daughter of tiger mom will just go with me when I need a fanyi, translator. She doesn't really speak english, but what little chinese and french I do know, she can understand and translate. We've become a comedy act. We SHOULD be famous.

setting: random boutique

situation: I want to try on shoes size 8, medium dress, 2 shirts
problem: store lady has zero patients with my slow speaking.
Enters Charlotte...

(charlotte in chinese to me) what are you doing?
(me to charlotte in chinese) she doesn't want to help me.She crazy
(charlotte in french to sales lady) excuse me ma'am, will you please assist my friend
(me to charlotte in a chinese french mess of sentences) i want to try this and that in this size
(charlotte to sales lady in french. slow enough for me to hear ever word she said)do you understand, it was very simple. I understood.
(sales lady)yes

I don't think Charlotte knows what the word sarcasm means, but she can put it out there.
Charlotte giggled at me while the sales lady went to gather the things I asked for. I quickly remembered she was 5 years old. Without a doubt, she is her mother's daughter.